Three Dog Night

I posted a little status update about this a while ago but I thought that I would expound on it since it has been bouncing around in my head. It is no secret that I was separated from my wife for a while this year. During that time I don't think I have ever done so much self reflection. Dare I say that being separated like that, although not ideal, could very well have been one of the best things that has ever happened to me in terms of forcing me to look in the mirror and be honest about what I saw? I submit that I do dare say such a thing. I personally prefer to never ever look at myself. If you know me then you are well aware that I spend most of my time amusing myself with observations about others. Its easier like that. I will make fun of the way you act or the things you like. Most of the time I do a funny impression of you that you are unaware of. All to keep myself occupied because when left alone in a void with only myself to be with, well then I have to really look at myself and I don't want to do that. When I look in the mirror I rarely see the good. Especially with my birthday rapidly approaching. I see wrinkles by my eyes and on my forehead. Well they are more like crevices than wrinkles. My skin has a lot of flaws. Blemishes if you will. Am I still in junior high? When does that crap go away? And where the hell is my hair? Really? Thanks for nothing Verizon Wireless. You can have my soul just leave my hair. I am trying to grow some on my face but it is more of a wishful thought than a successful venture. Spencer Pratt has more success with his flesh beard than I do with my scraggle goat. But when it is just you left alone in the house of mirrors all you can do is look at yourself. Boy did I do a lot of that. One thing I had to deal with was just how damn lonely I felt. I know we have all heard the song by Three Dog Night telling us that one is the loneliest number. At first thought it seems like you would agree. It would be lonely if you were the only one. No one to talk to or interact with. Like Tom Hanks on castaway you would be making friends out of volley balls and then managing to alienate yourself from sporting equipment too. Let me throw this by you. I thought about this during one of my sadder moments. I was thinking about loneliness and I thought, "That Three Dog Night is full of shit man." One isn't the loneliest number. It is one. One is all it can be and all it ever will be. Unfortunate yes, but one has no choice but to be alone. Real loneliness is when you don't have to be one but you are any ways. I'm not being clear so I am going to metaphor this bad boy for you. I am alone on a dessert Island. Just me and no one else. It sucks because there is no option to talk to anyone else. No option to have contact and interaction and stimulation from another person. That bites. Now one day, another person washes up on shore. You are in absolute elation as you realize you don't have to be alone anymore. You run to your hut and start planning on making bunk beds, that way there will be so much more room for activities. No longer will you have to sing both parts to that Kid Rock and Cheryl Crow song. Finally you will be able to find out if your curve ball is unhittable. This is going to be great! So you run over to your new found friend and eagerly introduce yourself. "Hello, my name is Jeremiah and I am a cast away. Pleased to meet you good person. May I take your coat?" No response. Well that's odd but perhaps this individual does not speak the same language. This will be even cooler because we will teach each other our native tongue and come up with some kind of hybrid language that only we will know and no one else. Like those twins do. It will be like on that movie "Enemy Mine". As we learn each other's language and culture the universe will learn from us and finally have peace. "Hola Heffe, mi llama es named Jonesey, bueno tu meet tu. Er um... Can I take your coat?" The person is looking right at me but not responding. Deaf? Let me try hand signals. Wave, um, thumbs point at myself, one thumb stays pointing at me while the other points up. Now I point at the person with one hand and also give the thumbs up. Now I do the, here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors and see all the people..... Nothing? Really? So they aren't a foreigner and they aren't deaf. Blind? Fake Punch! Ha you flinched. Not blind! Ha! Wait. That means this person is just.... ignoring me. I try and try to make them interact with me but the ass just won't. Now I wish they had never washed up on my shore. I made bunk beds. We aren't even staying on the same side of the island. Now this is loneliness. Every minute of every day I am reminded that I don't have to be alone. That if they would just talk to me, acknowledge me or anything then I would have contact and the loneliness would be gone. But since jackass mute arrived I have had to carry my loneliness like a lead suit. Poorly tailored lead suit. You know where the coat is too long and it makes you look short? Yeah a lead suit like that. Makes my ass look big too. Insult to injury right there. So now I long to be alone again. It was easier like that. No constant reminder that there could be some one to finish "I saw you last night at the hotel......I said, I saw you last night at the hotel....... Come on pal. Throw me a bone! How can you not chime in? Marco......MARCO!!!!" This person is unflappable. Anyway, I wish I were alone again. See? One isn't the loneliest number after all. At times it has felt like that in my own relationship with Skovbo. It has gone both ways too. At times each of us has been the one not acknowledging or validating the others existence in our lives. When we were separated it felt unbearable at times. You had to fight the want to just be left alone on the island rather than be on the island with someone else and blocked out. Like I said, it was a mutual isolation, like north and south korea. With everyone we know Rodney King'ing us...."Why can't we all just get along?!" But it really made me feel as lonely as I have ever felt. More lonely than I felt was even possible. No Three Dog Night, you say two can be as bad as one. I submit that it can be far worse. Far worse but also, infinitely better.